a butter way to go

if i decided to die by my own hand i would choose to butter myself to death.
this leads me to the quandary: how MUCH butter would it take to end it?
and would i abandon my pickiness about butter brands to lower the cost of the endeavor?
i suppose i could balance the cost/pickiness factor by making my own butter for the act.  

RANDOM FACT UNO: while shmying vintage, i always look for the perfectly priced old fashioned butter churn jar. i have yet to find one. spending $250 on a butter churn does not seem practical. though the calculated digits call it cost effective. but should i stumble across an "appropriately" priced churn, i will most certainly buy it. then i might share my homemade butter with you. though once i separate a personal portion i might not have enough to share since...

i'm a -  one roll :: two pats of butter -  girl.
i'm a -  one potato :: four pats of butter - girl.
i'm a -  one sm popcorn :: eight pats of butter - girl
i'm a -  one bowl of bisque :: sixteen pats of butter - girl
i'm a -  one unclogged artery away from fulfilling this deathwish by butter - girl

RANDOM FACT DOS: when i traveled to ireland i was a big fan of the sandwich making practice of adding butter rather than mayonnaise. but i never took up the practice myself when i returned to the states. perhaps because i wouldn't hesitate to continue to add the mayonnaise and mustard on top of the quarter inch layer of butter.

(are you cringing yet?)

documenting my butter eating habits has made me realize that i am well on my way to discovering how much butter it would take to take oneself out. death by my own butter slathering hand is not so far fetched.

if i have to die by someone else's hand, i sure hope it is a drive-by fruiting.
i'm destined to die fruity.