"hidey-ho! mummy, hidey-ho!"

the scent of halloween is in the air and the candy corn is popping up left and right.  thank god the two are not one in the same.  i've never understood the appeal of candy corn, beyond the historical value.  while i enjoy its nostalgic seasonal appearance in stores and candy bowls, i've never warmed to the taste.  [hurl] 

did you know...

"the top branded retailer of candy corn, brach's, sells enough candy corn each year to circle the earth 4.25 times if the kernels were laid end to end."  [double hurl]

moving on...

i have been toiling over delilah's halloween costume.  i am from the old school mentality of: .why.buy.it.when.you.can.make.it.  i have made my own costume each year.  this ritual has been going on for so many years that my tiny attic crawl space is: 91% costumes, 6% christmas decorations, and 3% random crap.  i usually take on these projects and get completely lost in my mojo for hours at a time.  i neglect to look at the clock and stop only to stuff my face with snacks & libations or go to the bathroom.  alas, those days might be gone.  now i seem to partake in sporadic sewing.  which is highly annoying because it requires me to clean up my masterful mess multiple times, rather than once.  

delilah and i talked about what she wanted to be for halloween.  she decided to be kipper the dog.  i've been piecing the costume together here and there, weaseling time into my schedule. 

tonight delilah shuffled into the room with a brown sheet draped over her body calling out, "BOO! mummy, BOO!"

it was in this moment that i realized i could have saved myself all of this costume sewing trouble.  she could have, so easily, been mr. hankey the christmas poo.

more than a fanny pack

i've decided to design a belt.  this will be no ordinary belt.  it will be a burner belt to the extreme.  the design will include compartments for provisions such as money, keys, multimedia devices, chapstick and gum.  the fabric will be waterproof.  it will have lots of straps and buckles.  because i like straps and buckles.

this belt may not seem unique or interesting to you.  you may actually be saying to yourself... "i've seen this belt before.  many times in fact.  and no matter how many straps and buckles you add to it, it will still be a glorified fanny pack."

but allow me enlighten you.  the full potential and purpose of this belt was not illustrated in the aforementioned plan.  the glory of this belt is realized when you take note of the eight small buttons along the front.  they are not buttons like: "so"... "buttons on a shirt."  they are buttons that when pushed would play a series of recordings. 

this belt and these recorded messages will allow me to refrain from the need to repeat myself over and over again.  because, as of late, i am feeling a bit broken recordish. 

i've been brainstorming what each message could say...

1) "keep your hands to yourself."
2) "because i said so."
3) "[insert particular student's name]"
4) "grande americano with an extra shot, please."
5) "are you waiting for a written invitation? merge dammit!"
6) "did you use an 'I' statement before you came to me?"
7) "do i really need to know about this?"
8) "i am not your maid."

it will also have some serious volume control.  because there are times when an "inside voice" will not suffice. 

ritual recordings... more than a tech house.

i have a biweekly ritual.
these saturday mornings go like this:

- wake up
- cuddle/doze in the nest with delilah
- brew coffee / make breakfast
- drink coffee / eat breakfast
- put on music and dance like crazy people before we begin our day.

the tunes vary depending on our given mood.
over time i've discovered the following...

deep house:     makes delilah dance like she's trying to answer the question...
                        "how low can you go?" 
dubstep:          makes delilah float around the room with airplane arms. 
                        crash landing periodically.
80's flavor:      makes delilah run in place "like a maniac, maniac on the floor."
                        at varying degrees of speed.
drum & bass:  makes delilah bend at the knees and occasionally kick her leg awkwardly in the air.
country:          makes delilah curl up in a fetal position, cover her ears and sing, "lalalalalahhh."
                       (oh, wait.  that's me.)

this morning we had a techno wake-up call.
i now know that...

techno:           makes delilah run.  in circles.  a lot.

i brake for old people

today i drove past an old lady sitting on a bench.  someday i hope to be like her.  oblivious of the fact that i have turned into that old lady sitting on the bench with my two wheeled push cart parked beside me.  i also hope to be ignorant of the fact that i am wearing a polyester pants suit.

i ♥ old people. 

they have reached the point in life where they just don't give a damn.  the world is their oyster.  they have paid their dues and now feel entitled to verbalize unwarranted judgements, push pedestrians around with their walking aides, and freely pass gas in the middle of the shopping aisle.

we young'ins should take a page 

out of the old people handbook

old people have slowed down.  [unwillingly in some cases sure, but...]  they now take the time to enjoy the weather, to while away the day chatting, or to just sit and look oblivious on a bench.  we could learn a lot from the old people around us.  and i don't mean how long it took them to walk fifteen miles uphill to school in a snow storm with no shoes on.

so, i've decided to slow down.  and become an old person gracefully. 

but dear lord... 

please never let my ass look like that old guy's butt from the hangover.

the spice of life

i've decided life is like a burrito: 

a barrage of ingredients escaping from a futile paper thin wrapper causing a ridiculous mess requiring a ream of napkins for clean-up. 

but it can also be tasty and damn satisfying.

recycled comedians

the four year old boy bulldozed his way through the children on the playground.  when he arrived at the swings he flung his belly across the seat and flailed his limbs as the swing took flight.  his shock of wispy blond hair fluttered in the breeze.  he kicked his legs in the manner of elaine benes.  just as quickly as he was on the swing, he was awkwardly launching himself off.  he then body slammed his stocky torso into a classmate.

his teacher yelled out to get his attention.  she noticed me watching him and told me that he is a sweet kid.  he has a wildfire imagination, however, he is completely unaware of where his body is in space.  he is, therefore, reminiscent of a bull in a china shop.  she then told me that he reminds her of chris farley. 

and i stared in awe.  because he does.  he is the complete mini version of chris farley.  from his march-like gait, to his arms as they swing wildly from side to side.  even the hair. 

i couldn't peel my eyes off of him. 

he is officially the visual fodder that will feed my need for amusement on a daily basis. 
and part of me wants to babysit him.  in his van down by the river.

hair helmet

i feel like i'm wearing a wig right now.  my hair is a total helmet.  we're talking big. 
like - icouldbetheposterchildforaquanet - big. 
yeah.

i know it's due to the sheer volume of chlorine they have pumping through our water system right now.  but it's like my hair thinks its been swimming laps in a public pool for days. [and yes.. i do believe my hair is "thinking" since it seems to be its own separate entity.]  so i have brittle, wiry hair without the joy of actually swimming.  

thank god i'm getting my hair did tomorrow. 



ps.  loafers is a funny word.

verbal craft

i have a natural interest in textile craft.  my craftiness finds its home most often in crochet, knit, and traditional & abstract weaving.  outside of the common use of yarn, some of the materials i have infused in my work include: t-shirts, plant matter, shopping bags, papyrus, wire, and balsa wood.  however, i think i am taking my passion to a whole new level.  today's material of choice:  words.

i am surrounded by 1,852 pages of text separated into nine books developed by five different publishers with one common theme:  literacy acquisition.  i am attempting to craft them into a cohesive program.  without losing any of the elements i think are most beneficial.  

i am nuts.  or on my way there if not already present and accounted for. 
remind me again why i teach in a place where it is necessary to drive and shape your own curriculum? 

and so the term "back to the grind" is officially resonating.  this is what i'll look like most weekends from this point on...

FYI:  i'd much prefer to be concocting a yarn bomb concept.