that b*#@$!

my dog is clicking. not "doing something" that clicks. just clicking. while she sleeps. that can't be good.

other things about my dog...

hattie does a mean impersonation of my late nana. but only when she licks her chops. nana used to make that exact sound. if i could figure out how to type an accurate documentation of the sound i would. but i can't. my brother also used to make that sound when he ate mashed potatoes. but that may have been purely for my amusement. because it sounded like nana. however, this fact is inconsequential since this blog is about my dog. (i'm a poet and i didn't even know it.)

delilah was saying prayers before bed one night...
troy: "should we pray for hattie?"
delilah maeve: "yes. pray for her stinky breath and stinky toots."

hattie is smelly. in her older age she has developed quite a case of gas. she literally passes fumes 10+ times a day. this has been going on for several years now. but despite the several-year-status of this ailment, she still startles herself with her own gas. she'll fart, suddenly jump up and turn around to look at her own butt in confusion. as if to say, "what the eff was that? that could NOT have come from my ass." then she'll survey the room and lock her gaze on any human she spots. it's amusing to say the least. though i don't find the gaze in my direction, that implies i produced the foul smell, amusing. dogs aren't supposed to blame the people. it's just not natural.

hattie is a kiss slut. she loves to make-out. particularly with those who are less than enchanted by her advances. her prime targets are babies. and small children strapped into car seats. the poor things either don't have the motor skills to roll away or they are unable to retreat from the onslaught due to safety restraints. and did i mention her breath? oh, yes. delilah did.

hattie and her sister delilah have a severe case of sibling rivalry. and if you don't believe sibling rivalry is possible between child and canine, i will provide evidence:
exhibit A:
i'm sitting on the couch and hattie settles into my lap. delilah (previously engrossed in something and totally disinterested in what i am doing) streaks across the room, flailing her arms, "i sit there! i sit there!" and proceeds to push and shove her way into my lap forcing hattie to growl and move away.
exhibit B:
delilah has created a "bed" with a blanket on the couch. hattie is contentedly sleeping in her dog bed. delilah leaves the couch to get a toy. as if her movement has trigger some type of internal sensor, hattie leaps up from her bed, hops up onto the couch and lays down on the blanket. delilah rushes over yelling, "that my bed!" and crawls onto the couch to push hattie away. hattie jumps down and lays in her bed, only to return again when delilah's back is turned. wash, rinse, repeat.

the clicking has stopped. is it just a coincidence that she farted just after the clicks ceased? or has she developed into a ticking stink bomb?

this blog entry is brought to you by the letter G (several Glasses of wine)  
and the number 43 (the number of hours of sleep i will require to make up for this week.)